Hello ~~~
Finally, the time has come. Time for the last chapter. I actually reread the whole fic and realized there were so many details I wanted to continue, but right now, this feels like the ending I want to give them. I might or might not write another chapter regarding how Catherine’s memories came back and her full explanation why she left the second time, but I also want to wait for the show’s explanation (if Peter Lenkov is kind enough to give us that one day).
So, generally, I’m pretty happy with how I wrote these 15 chapters. Reading them at once reminded how much fun I had thinking about them every night before going to bed (well, it sounds so weird but IDGAF). I’m pretty proud of each character I wrote, not only Steve and Catherine, but also my Doris, my Chin, my Danny, my Kono and especially my Lynn. I guess they are all different from the show you’re watching, but they are the best version of themselves in MY HEAD (not trying to force your opinions though). The only person I can’t write about is Lou – as far as I remember, he was the one who kept pushing Steve to Lynn in the first place and never showed any support to Catherine. Damn, I’m still bitter – and disappointed. Did he really use the word “weekend booty” on Lynn or was it just in my head? Tell me in the comment.
Anyway, enough time for my rant. I hope you enjoy the last chapter!
-LuckyStar/Catherine-
Chap 15:
Steve took down the painting from the wall and removed the frame. Catherine took out the hard piece of paper she used to stabilize the painting and revealed the back.
Indeed. Something was written on the back. In her handwriting.
“Steve. Thank you for being born into this world! Happy birthday!
I love you.
Always.
P.S: I’ve been keeping it for myself for so long. I finally can say it now. Consider this my birthday gift. You don’t need to say it back if you’re not ready.”
Steve was paralyzed. It was a lot to process. Catherine said she loved him on his 30th birthday, but he had never found out. He wondered if the “old” Catherine would doubt his feelings for her and thought he didn’t feel the same way the whole time. Or if she could have thought he was too scared to respond, or he wasn’t ready. It’s just that he honestly had no idea.
“Catherine”, his voice cracked, “I guess this answers the question you asked me earlier”, Steve turned to Catherine, and didn’t bother to wipe the tears that he knew were making their way to his face. He didn’t care. He never had to hide his true emotions in front of this beautiful woman.
“I’m sorry I never knew. This painting was 4 years before I moved back to Hawaii. You said this and I had no idea. I was too afraid of losing you if things didn’t work out. I didn’t want to ruin us, I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way. If I had known, I would have said “I love you” back before it was too late. Maybe you wouldn’t have decided to stay in Afghanistan. I thought you didn’t love me enough to come back, to stay here. I’m so sorry, Catherine…”
Steve was ranting, but he couldn’t speak when Catherine moved closer and kissed him on his lips. The kiss deepened, and their hands seemingly were all over each other’s body. Catherine felt like her whole body was on fire, the familiar feeling came back, and happiness was crawling all over them.
When they finally pulled away from each other, Steve hesitantly looked into Catherine’s eyes, observing her closely. He wanted nothing more than to cover her mouth with his over and over again, having his way with her, but to his disappointment, Steve knew it wasn’t the same Catherine standing in front of him. He let out a sigh he didn’t realize he was holding, trying to control his erection down there. It took him several minutes before he whispered.
“Catherine, don’t do this. I want to be loved by you, not sympathised. I don’t need your sympathy. It’s hard enough. I don’t want us to do this for the wrong reason.”
“Steve, listen to me.”
Catherine tried to get Steve’s attention, using her hands to hold his face, to force him to look at her. His blue eyes saddened, which ripped her heart out. Catherine had never seen Steve this fragile and forlorn, he was always a brave, confident, sometimes indifferent, leader.
“I need you to know something. I haven’t remembered anything yet, but I am trying. I am getting there. But right now, I want to be honest with myself. I feel like I’ve started falling for you, and it’s getting fast.”
Steve’s face lightened up hearing Cath’s confession. His hands tightened her sides a little bit.
“I got so worried when you threw yourself out there in the field at work every day, I was afraid you would get hurt”, Cather gently touched the bruise that was slowly fading on his forehead, “I don’t know where that came from. I denied my feelings at first, trying to convince myself I care because you’re my boss, but I’ve come to realize it’s much more than that. I think I’m falling in love with you, Steve.”
Steve broke into a goofy grin, feeling like he was falling in love over again, just like the first time. The worry written in his eyes was temporarily gone, replaced by a hint of contentment and hope.
“I might not be at the point where I love you as I used to in the past yet, but please be patient with me, please! Don’t give up on me, don’t give up on us! I agreed to stay in Five-0 to find out about the memories that I lost, to give us another chance. I’m asking you to be really patient with me. Look at me, Steve. Do you understand?”
“Catherine, kiss me again.”
Steve demanded, and Catherine didn’t need to be told twice. She dragged Steve closer and started kissing him. The kisses were longer, deeper, and much more passionate than the first kiss. Their tongue happily dueled against each other. Steve finally stopped fighting his body, letting himself rub against Catherine. Her smile indicated that she didn’t seem to mind at all. Her hands even started caressing his cheek, then crawling to the back of his neck.
“You used to do that, too”, Steve whispered during those tiny kisses, his voice sounded sentimental. He was out of breath; the desire could be easily heard in his voice. He rested his forehead against Catherine’s, and then kissed her on her cheek. He just couldn’t stop kissing her, every inch of her body.
“What?”
“Your hands. The way you touched my face. I missed this so much. Catherine, I miss you.”
“You talk too much, Boss”, Catherine pressed her lips into Steve’s lips for another time. The taste of his lips brought her a sense of comfort and happiness.
“Call me Commander. That’s one of our things.”
“Shut up, “Commander””, Catherine playfully emphasized the word.
“Does it sound familiar to you?”, Steve pulled away to look at her, gently brushing her hair and falling onto her face, touching her cheek.
“Yes, it actually does”, even Catherine was surprised at how easily the word was rolled off her tongue. “Although I feel a little bit weird ordering a Commander to shut up. Maybe I shouldn’t say that.”
“This Commander doesn’t mind at all, Lieutenant”, The taste of Longboard on her lips and the familiar scent of her body drove him crazy. Steve deepened the kiss, his night just got better and better.
“Let’s go home, Commander! It’s been a long day”, Catherine tugged at Steve’s hand.
Her simple words tugged at Steve’s heartstrings. It reminded him of the day he worked late in the office, and she suggested that he should go home, and get some rest. That night, he didn’t listen, so she stayed in the office with him, buying coffee and some snacks for him, silently offering the support and companionship he missed the most from her. Steve kept wondering how things would be different if that night, he had listened to her if they had gone home and spent some time together to have some quality talk. Catherine would have been his wife now. None of this would have happened. It was all his fault, but for a long time, not only him but everyone else blamed Catherine for leaving.
Steve tightened his hands that were holding Catherine’s.
“Come home with me?”, Steve took his courage in both hands to ask, it sounded more like a request than a question.
“Yes”, Catherine smiled at him.
“You sure you want to do this?”
“Affirmative. I wanted to find my memories on my own, I thought I need some distance, but it’s getting harder to control my feelings for you. I can’t just hide them anymore.”
Catherine’s gentle, honest words were a balm to him, he couldn’t hide the big grin on his face, “Glad to hear that”. He gripped Catherine’s hands, brought them to his lips, and kissed her palm.
They left the office and headed back to Steve’s home, basically couldn’t keep their hands off each other on the way home. They arrived at the beach house shortly and started making out once they entered the house. They didn’t make it to the bedroom, Catherine insisted the old couch in the living room would be perfect.
She was back. At least this part of her was back. Not only in his life but also in his personal life.
That night was the best night Steve has had in years, he had to constantly pinch himself to make sure it wasn’t just a dream. He had made love with the woman he loved more than anything else in the world multiple times that night. They were tightly wrapped in each other’s embrace, listening to each other’s pace of breath to fall into sleep. The last memory of Steve before sleeping was Catherine burying her face against his chest and her arms wrapping possessively around his waist.
Steve woke up with a start when his alarm went off. He couldn’t remember when the last time he slept this well was. It felt like a century has gone by. Steve turned to Catherine’s side but didn’t find her on his bed.
For a moment, Steve was scared that what happened last night wasn’t real after all. He had dreamt about reuniting with Catherine thousands of times during the past two years, but they all turned out to be just a dream when he woke up. He reached out to squeeze the pillow next to her and smell it. The familiar scent travelled to his nostril, Steve pulled the blanket up and discovered all the new bruises on his body and the pleasant ache on his backside.
She was back.
The sex was real, his body could serve as excellent evidence of that.
The smell of ragu from the kitchen downstairs calmed him down. Steve smiled, pushing himself to a sitting position, and leaning back to the headboard. She was cooking ragu. That meant two things: either Catherine remembered ragu was his favourite food, or Catherine being worried, confused, or upset. Ragu was Catherine’s comfort food. It calmed her down, and concentrated her as much as the songs from Chicago’s albums.
Just the thought of Catherine being back in his life, on his bed brought a big smile to Steve’s face. Whether she remembered their past or not, they can deal with it later. Together. That’s all he needed to believe at that very moment.
Steve got out of bed, and threw on clean underwear and a pair of board shorts he found in his wardrobe. He went downstairs, and came to the kitchen but didn’t find Catherine. The ragu was done and was ready on the table, but Catherine was nowhere to be seen. Disappointment twisted his gut. The history between them instantly made Steve have his doubt: Has Catherine left him again? No matter how much his logical side defended Catherine, Steve still couldn’t get over the fact that she left him when he thought things would work out so well for them when he thought he was ready to take their relationship to the next level. He was stubborn just like that.
Steve opened the back door and was greeted by the sight of Catherine sitting in one of the old chairs on his back lawn. She was contemplating the scene of the ocean and was lost in her own thoughts, as she didn’t even realize he was approaching.
Steve didn’t know how long he was standing there, watching her from distance, but he didn’t want to disturb her, she deserved some personal space if that’s what she needed. Until Steve saw something shiny on the table next to her. The ring. His ring. No, the ring he gave her when he proposed. All of a sudden, he felt this panicky feeling in his stomach, it felt like the world was shattered down to his feet.
“Hey Cath…”, Steve hesitated to call her nickname, hoping she wouldn’t refuse him calling her like that after what happened last night. Since she came back to Five-0, Steve always tried to be professional and always greeted her by the name “Catherine”.
“Hey you. Good morning!”, Catherine looked up at Steve, gave him a genuine smile, and nodded. At least that made him feel better, maybe it wasn’t something as bad as he thought.
“You alright?”
“Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“About… us?”, his soft voice was soaked with uncertainty.
“About us”, Catherine confirmed.
Steve felt a constriction in his chest hearing the sad tone in Cath’s voice. He thought the sex last night was very satisfying, apparently, Catherine and he were not on the same page. It hurt him just thinking about that possibility.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“Sure.”
Steve sat down on the chair next to Cath, wondering where this talk would lead them to.
“Have we ever…had kids?”
“What? No”, apparently, Steve didn’t expect that very question. He wasn’t sure why all of a sudden, Cath would bring up this sensitive topic. At that moment, he realized he had never discussed this with the old Catherine.
“Good. That’s good”, the words just flew out of her mouth in a hushed whisper, she breathed a sigh of relief. It felt like the weight of the world was released off her shoulders.
“You don’t want to have kids… with me?”, Steve hesitated, he wasn’t sure he should be this direct. He tried to put on a strong facade in front of Catherine, but he knew he failed miserably.
“No, I’m sorry. It’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean that”, Catherine left her chair, standing up and kneeling down in front of Steve’s chair. Her heart broke seeing a mass of vulnerability written on Steve’s face. She silently told herself off for being so inconsiderate a couple of minutes ago. She touched his face, forcing him to look at her.
“I woke up early this morning. I wanted to cook something for you. I accidentally saw a picture of you holding a baby girl. You both looked so happy. She looked familiar, too, I tried to remember who she was…”, she did vaguely remember something else, like the conversation with Doris on a plane somewhere around the world, the bitter jealousy after an awkward encounter with a woman in a white dress, but the adorable baby girl was the image Catherine wanted to focus on the most.
Catherine was trying her best to hold herself together, but she knew some tears were already making their way to her face.
“I thought that was our daughter. I looked at my old phone and also found pictures of her. I was holding her in my arms. She’s beautiful. The more I look at her pictures, the more I feel like I know her. I could even hear her laugh, hear her calling my name. I kept thinking how terrible I would be as a mother if I forgot my own daughter.”
Catherine didn’t realize she was rambling. That thought scared her, and the fact that the little girl was nowhere to be seen scared the life out of her. What had happened to her? Catherine really couldn’t ignore the ache deep down in her heart, until Steve leaned towards her and embraced her tightly.
“Where is she? Who is she?”, she whispered into Steve’s ears. A shadow of worry and genuine fear clouded her eyes.
“She’s in LA with her mother – Mary McGarrett, my sister. Her name is Joan, she’s our niece. She called you “aunty Cat”, she asked about you every time she visited. She liked you hearing you sing Chicago songs to her.”
“So she’s safe?”
“Yes, definitely. Except for the fact that she’s stuck with her mother”, Steve joked, managing to make Catherine let out a soft giggle. He helped her to stand up from her kneeling position, pulled her to sit on his lap, and gently wiped out all her tears.
“So… you cooked for me?”, Steve changed the subject, trying to completely steer clear of the fading tension.
“I thought I would cook some light breakfast, for you to recover from last night. I got distracted.”
“You cook ragu when you’re worried or upset”, Steve finished the sentence for Catherine. “I thought you regret what happened between us last night.”
“Don’t, Steve, don’t go there! It wasn’t like that”, she leaned in for a slow, deep kiss, seeking comfort from him and giving him some comfort. “I don’t regret what happened. It’s my decision. Whatever happens, we do it together, okay?”, she wanted to tell Steve she remembered something else but decided it was too early. At least they have many years down the road to figure out her past together.
“Okay”, he cleared his throat, trying to regain composure.
“Also, last night was… mind-blowing”, Catherine grinned, It was bizarre and overwhelming to realize that Steve was the only one she had sex with in almost 20 years, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. It must have been muscle memories, she didn’t need to be told what he liked the most.
“You remember what turned me on the most”, Steve whispered in her ears, referring to the moment she smacked his behind several times while calling him “Commander”. No one else about his little secret.
“Your secret is safe with me, Commander. Let’s get back to the house. Ragu will be cold by now.”
“Just five more minutes, Catherine, just five more minutes. I like this”, Steve hold her back when she tried to stand up, and Catherine is more than happy to comply. She leaned against him, his chin was on her shoulder. Steve’s sigh of contentment tickled the skin on her neck.
“Whatever you want, Steve. I like this, too.”
They enjoyed their first morning being back together. Watching the amazing view of the ocean in Steve’s backyard. Listening to the gentle waves. Embracing each other’s presence. Feeling loved. Thinking about the future.
Their future.
luckystarpham 